Archive for the ‘babble’ Category

O Hai.

Now that I’ve kicked things off with my two new poems, after a long verbally creative hiatus…

I can’t belieeeeeve how much has happened since I last posted. It has been years, literally. Pertinent points:

* Google Blogger arrived and terminally funked up my blog. I gave up on it for a while. (.. i.e. until now.)

* VegWeb, and veganism! 🙂

* LOLcats.

* Someone asked me to marry him, and someone else asked me out; in that order. I said no, and yes; in that order. The former was over a year ago; the latter, a few days ago.

* I moved back home to Christchurch.

* I became obsessed with taking photos of my lovely vegan food, and discovered the macro button on my camera.

* I found WordPress, and founded my food blog. (I also rescued this old personal/poetry blog, with the help of WP, which let me drag its carcass out of the ruins of Google-Blogger.)

* Within the last few days, I wrote two poems; the first time I’ve been able to express myself this way in soooooo many months. There was one other poem during last spring, but I lost it! o_O

It’s good to be back.


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Why does the word ‘tiddlywinks’ immediately conjure up a vivid memory of their flavour?

Hereby proving that those “Not suitable for children under the age of…” warnings on toys are, um, necessary. Glad I never choked.

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The aforementioned compassion is engaged as I read the latest…

That poor woman who condemns Harry Potter. Of course, a lot of people misunderstand and hate the deep-rooted faith of Wicca and witchcraft. This is not a surprise, but what worries me today is that I’ve read her own words, and she says she fears that due to the lack of prayer in schools, “God was expelled. So we’ve raised a generation not to know Him.”

I ask you, how can a beautiful, universal, ever-loving, all-encompassing God be cast out forever from the heart of anyone who wants to find Him? I’m sorry to pity you, Laura, but you’re pretty sad, in my books, if you believe that any number of disbelievers can eradicate Deity from our lives. She will speak to us no matter how we denounce or ignore Her. Such insecurity of spirit frightens me.

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Sometimes I Wonder

…and I should.

Now and then it occurs to me to ask (no one in particular) who makes the cardboard tubes for toilet rolls and who glues the end of each roll down just so. Who created the white plastic cord for my iPod’s headphones, or the little perforated metal disc that the sound comes through? Who makes the keys in my keyboard and who presses out each square in our linoleum floor? Or who used to make this sort of thing, and which machine has taken over their job?

I take so much for granted knowingly, but I take millions of things for granted unknowingly. Sometimes I remember and it ought to give me pause… not often enough, I say.

Although perhaps one could say there are more important things, or more touching, natural things, personal things, which should take up my attention and my sympathy; what might I be in this life to look after?

Nevertheless I am glad that an innate compassion stops me in my tracks now and then. A sense of wonder and horror at the unnaturalness of our world that so many people take for granted, which I cannot always afford to overlook. I’ve tried to write poems about this in the past but my humble words can’t cover it, not so far anyway.

This isn’t an important post but it’s a hint at endlessly trivial, yet important things. “Truth, like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.” I’ll stop now.

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Crude philosophy
While the clear day turns to night
And we journey home

I’m not sure how much I identify with the Buddhist belief that all life is suffering. Yes, it’s often easiest to recall the bad things in my past, and, sometimes, to see how they’ve shaped me. But what would I be without the love and joy I’ve known? It’s about that old balance between dark and light, destruction and creation, absence and presence. Never one without the other, and always with some comparison between the two… it’s only natural. Perhaps it comes down to this question: who would I be without the totality of my experiences and relationships? And who am I to regret these things?

Saving fleeting thoughts –
Another use for cellphone
But no one will reply

I am goddess-born
Sprout showing mother tree’s form
Is never cut adrift

Backwards Poem

May it never leave me
A voice from the inner child
I need this still
So I’ll never leave myself lonely
A sense of whimsy
Retaining kindness to self
The distillation of adulthood
The moon a silver coin on cloth
Floating gas orbs as pinpricks in velvet
A precious part of me sees stars
Knowing the rules to break them
Abstraction of knowledge
Growing up and growing down
Stalking my own truths

Spring cleaning my mind
Evicting stubborn dust bunnies
Letting moonlight in

Purest of haiku
Rarely flows from humble hand
Merely mundane words

Expression tricky
When haiku form only fits
Counting on fingers

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Cold & Lonesome

I am alone.
I am utterly alone.

By the time you read this note I will be gone, having jumped having plummeted off the Winter River Bridge.

*ahem* Excuse me, I just couldn’t resist the urge to quote something melodramatic. Yeah, I’m home alone – for the longest time in a long time. Ten days to be precise. It doesn’t sound like much, does it? Neither did it to me, but it seems to stretch out, something in the manner of that arrow that infinitely halves its distance to the barn door and will never hit it.

My folks are over in WA spending time with the Aussie branch of the family, as Dad’s brother has developed cancer. And… I’m not sure what else to say about that right now. I’m so glad they’re able to spend some time with him… and they finally get to see west Australia. Who would’ve known what kind of circumstances would end up leading them there?

It is cold, it is windy, and it is pishing down with rain. *perks up her ears* Well, at this moment the rain has stopped persisting, but it’ll be back. The wind delighted in keeping me and the cats awake, strewing a large twiggy piece of dead tree across the driveway, eviscerating my rainbow brolly many times over, whipping my hair and clothes around and conspiring with the rain to give me a thorough soaking, including after I got under the bus shelter. I’ve said this before and I’ll say this again: I love my new electric blanket. As do Roux, Samwise and Jinny.

I’d like to think that I’d enjoy occasional solitude, but I’m not very good at it. At not having someone else to nucleate around, even in an oblique manner. I haven’t got a lot done lately, in general, and now the folks have gone away I’m getting even less done. I feel like the little bit of warmth in a hibernating body that tucks itself inside away from the extremities to conserve itself. (How easily analogies to do with weather and temperature spill from me today…) I find myself making a vague sort of nest in the warmest part of the house – which is not my room – and mostly vegging out. I’ve arrayed around me my jewellery-mongery supplies and I’m playing a string of movies which to me are pleasant and well-known – whereas the cable channels offer no comfort. I’ll tell you something, though – as lovely as it is to be popular by default with the cats, one person is not enough for the three of them. They’ve been nucleating around me in turn, with some rare moments of peace, and a healthy amount of jealous jostling and fighty-biteying and puffed-up tails. And they keep trying to sit on my lap while I’m making jewellery!!! o_O

The dryer won’t work because its door is broken. Bloody Murphy works overtime, in all weathers. I’ll be going to Upper Hutt tomorrow night to rent some TV shows on DVD on half-price Tuesday. Yay! My curiosity has been perked with Babylon 5, and I’m dying to see Quantum Leap again, even if they’ve butchered the soundtrack. I might also partake of some season three Sex And The City… next week, depending on my budget.

Oooh, this laptop is nice and warm. I shall hold my hands by it to warm them not unlike before a brazier.

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It’s been too long.

I’ve just been on my first non-mandatory walk in ages and it was lovely. Something I spotted from the bus on the way home caught my eye; made me sit up and go “Ooh.” So, with tonight’s meal already planned and a pleasant level of anticipatory hunger inside, I went out through Silverstream and along the strip of land between the main road and the railway. Past clumps of bush, along the line of poplars with the pale late sun staring me down, past some more shrubberies and across the grassy patches dotted with red oaks and tulip trees, and past a long line of oaks right beside the road until I reached what I was looking for.

The first colour of autumn on a tulip tree.

The first colour of autumn on a tulip tree.

I snatched some light-through-leaves pictures as well, as I walked back along the greenway with the scent of aniseed in the air from the wild-weed fennel, gathering the wonderful, refreshing coolth on my skin.

I thought I ought to comment on my absence from the web (in case you missed me, I apologise). To put it simply: my blog is the place where I share the parts of me that I’d like anyone to see… and of late there have been very few aspects of myself, my life and my character which I could conceive of sharing. I’ve been selfish and grouchy and down on myself, and I don’t want this blog to become naught but a bitching ground. I have also been ignoring some of the things which might otherwise bring relaxation or relief. Perhaps this is changing; hence the botanical photo session and walkies.

I don’t know how to finish this, so I’ll just-

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